I haven't disappeared...

I am so behind on blog reading and putting any of my thoughts to written word - and I feel all built up because of it. About 7 weeks ago, work reached a point of, well,... I can't effing do this anymore. I turned in my resignation which was an incredibly difficult thing to do after having been with this company for 10 years. My boss was shocked at the timing of my decision (recession and all), but not totally surprised. My job is a more than full-time gig, with basically no leverage. I should have known that trying to go down to 4 days would mean less pay for the same level of work. Over time, it really wore on me to be working on my off days -- with no childcare help for those times -- and I began to resent working at naptimes, nighttime and on weekends. All of those hours I should have been cleaning up C.T.'s tornadoes, organizing my unorganized household, getting dressed, planning fun adventures for C.T. and me, spending time with B, working on the scrapbook for C.T. that has gone untouched since the day he was born almost 18 months ago.

Somehow, at the time of my resignation, my boss found a way to sell me on a new "deal"... which was essentially, we will continue paying you for 4 days, but you won't have to work full-time(+), in fact, you'll only need to put in 3 days... plus, we are going to allocate 30% of a strong analyst's time to help you. Because I really do love working for my boss, and because a 3-day a week schedule would actually be perfect for me, I agreed to give it a shot. Unfortunatley, the next 6 weeks were hell at work and I continued to put in all the extra time. I do believe it's only temporary and that they will get me the leverage I need - it's just been extremely painful. We are now just at the point of identifying an analyst to help me and if it doesn't happen soon, but I am once again at my breaking point. Thank God this week has been somewhat manageable.

I don't mean to carry on about it all, but in the last 2 months, I felt like I needed to dedicate my non-working hours to my family and to non-blog things. Every couple of days, I have wanted to check in with you (my blogging buds), but have really resisted. So, I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEEDED A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT or if you just needed someone to say "I hear you". I hope to get caught up on your blogs soon and get back to working on my own. It's all such good therapy for me and I hope in some way, my blog or my comments are there for others too.