Short rant

Why does everyone seem to think they are immune to tragedy? Or, at least the kind of tragedy in which one's own child dies. Tonight I sat with two old friends who couldn't have been more certain about the outcome (living, screaming, perfect baby) of a current pregnancy at 15 weeks. I am not sure how they can be so aware of what happened to B.W., and yet not see how fragile and uncontrollable life is. Is it possible to be so smug without realizing it?

What a sad thing for YOU. YOU obviously had a problem - good thing they "figured it out" in time for C.T. It couldn't possibly happen to ME. These weren't the words used, but that's the message I got.

Maybe I am being too harsh. Perhaps they do understand at some level that they are not immune. And maybe they are outwardly confident in order to con themselves into positive thinking.

All I know is it really hurts; torments me. Unrelenting ignorance in the face of my day to day reality. It makes me feel so little. So damn unique. So powerless and unheard. Even ignored. Smoothed over as if he didn't exist.

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Tomorrow will be better. I will again try to connect with people even when they disappoint me. I think I need to mentally affirm this, again and again, to coax myself to do it.