We are approaching B.W.’s third birthday and the third anniversary of his death. I am exhausted just thinking about the remembrance gathering we will host again this year. The cake that he can’t enjoy, the presents he won’t open but instead will be donated, the three-year old friends who might have attended had he had a chance to know them – all make this so very difficult to do publicly with our families. I can hardly bare that some of them will probably think “oh, this again?”… that if they do show up for the gathering, that they might ignore B.W.’s scrap book display and the new pages I’ve crafted lovingly because I need to find a way to mother him still. I guess we are gluttons for punishment to attempt this each year. But, if I must keep my heart and mouth muzzled about my boy all year round to accommodate others, aren’t they required to give me just a single day each year where I can shout aloud of my love for him?
I am waiting, with tearful pride, for his birthday in exactly 2 months.
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Your plans for the remembrance gathering sound beautiful. Done with so much love. I hope that those invited know how honored they are to see B.W.'s scrap book.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is one of the things that I struggle with most, all this love I have rattling around inside me that belongs to G. That I have to hide. Love that can't be shouted aloud, at least not every day of the year. xx
Absolutely you should get AT LEAST a day! Extend invitations and if they (family/friends) don't show that is their choice. I think it is an awesome way to remember BW and let others know that you are still thinking and loving him, he hasn't disappeared.
ReplyDeleteTearful pride - yes. I hope your friends and family are supportive and take advantage of the remembrance to show their love for B.W., too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a full day to remember and honor B.W the way your heart is asking you to. Thinking of you and B.W.
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