First birthday

C.T. will be one year old tomorrow. I can't believe it. He has perfected holding up his pointer finger with pride when we ask him "how old will you be on your birthday?" When we practice singing happy birthday to him, he pretends to blow out his candles before we get even half way through the song. He is such a big boy already. He registered 23 pounds, 9 oz, in fact, today at his 12 month well-baby check up. (No wonder my back is sore most of the time)...

It's overwhelming to even try to think back to a year ago. On this night one year ago, we were scared C.T. might just slip away right in time for my scheduled induction the next day. That's sort of how we lived each day of those months - expecting the absolute worst and thanking God for each additional day with him. Weak from bedrest, exhausted from 16 months of grief, healing, grasping for hope, stretched like a balloon and with 9 months worth of bruised injection sites, I was a wreck that night. B was too. I really don't know how we made it through those 38 and 1/2 weeks.

And now, well after his birth, we still find ourselves shaking our heads in disbelief that C.T. is here. That we have been granted 351 days (outside of the womb) with him so far. That he is ours to hold. That there is a chance that he might actually outlive us. That though our sadness is always there, he has brought so much joy back into our lives.

Happy birthday, my sweet C.T. Mommy and daddy love you so very much. B.W. does too. He looks down on you each and every day - probably watching out for you. Lucky boy.